Before you were formed, God had known and seen you. He planned your every detail. He planned the color of your eyes, your hair, He formed your tiny fingers, toes, nose. He designed the DNA that would determine your height, personality, smartness! And while He was planning you, He brought together me and your daddy and dsigned us in such a way that as our bodies were intwined in the act of love, that a tiny, tiny sperm from your daddy would enter mommie's body and terfilize a tiny, tiny egg to begin your journey. Before this time you were a plan in the mind of God. But at that moment, you became a living being. There are those who would say you were only a fetus, but you and I know differently, don't we? I sometimes think they like to say fetus because it sounds easier to kill a fetus than to think that they killed a real baby! Yes little ones, there are those mommies who would deliberately murder their precious babies. But, back to you - it was just a few days after that your mommy knew you were coming! I can't tell you how excited your daddy and I were. A baby - our very own baby! Through the following days and weeks you began growing quickly and changing every day. Daddy and I started making plans for you. We could hardly wait to see what you looked like and whether you'd be a boy or a girl. Mommy talked to you, sang to you, rocked you (I hope I didn't make you seasick!)
But one day I knew something was wrong. I can't explain it. Mommie's just know things like that. A few more days passed and then you were ushered into heaven - each of you a year apart. I couldn't believe it! I was so sad - not for you, but for me and daddy. I knew you were both in heaven with Jesus, the angels and lots of other babies. I knew you'd be taken care of. I just didn't know what daddy and I would do without you. We didn't even get to know you, see you or hold you. For days, weeks and months, mommy wandered around in a daze, not really wanting to live without you, but not wanting to die.
Little ones, I'm sorry I missed out on your life. It wasn't your fault, it wasn't my fault nor daddy's. And it wasn't God's fault! I know that our human nature wants to blame Him, but He didn't take you. He carefully, meticiously, lovingly planned you. Why would He have done that and then destroyed you? That sure wouldn't make sense! The problem is that God had to place His perfect design in an imperfect body that became imperfect when sin entered the world.
How I would love to have seen your little pink fat cheeks and chubby hands and hear you coo. I would love to have rocked you and taught you many wonderful things. You've both been gone for a long time but you still tiptoe thru my dreams and across my heart. The thought of you is like a sweet fragrance flowing thru my memory. With everyday that passes, I'm close to finally meeting you in heaven. I'll know you because you'll have our family characteristics. Brown hair - brown eyes - dad's nose - mom's smile - your two brother's personalities and your grandfather's sense of humor. I sometimes envy you both for being in such a lovely, peaceful place with total joy, with mine and daddy's loved ones, with Jesus. Being able to play all day, free from pain, aging, hurts, diseases, loneliness.
In closing, even though there are days when mommy cries and sometimes seems sad, please don't feel sorry for me. I was so priviliged to have been chosen to carry you for those sixteen precious weeks. I'm so proud to be your mommy forever. Thank you both for the way you've changed my life. I'll see you soon.